Let's Talk About T&A

No, I'm not talking about the male chauvinist version of T&A, I'm talking about Tactics and Action, which this post has NOTHING to do with. Therefore my tactic is deception, and my action is babbling. ;)


So throughout the history of this blog I've not been too... personal, I guess is the word. I've not given anyone anything to relate to, so in this post I'm going to try. The problem is, I wouldn't know where to begin... To start with, I'm not exactly the kind of person to talk about myself in excess... Strange for a guy who started a blog to talk about himself, right? If you've been reading, though, you know that I post very infrequently. This is partially due to a hectic time schedule, partially because of bad memory, and partially because I just don't want to seem full of myself...

Let's start with something a little less personal, and then we can work our way up...

I've always been self conscious. Ever since I was a kid, there has always been this nagging self confidence issue that I've had, and even as I get older and do new things and go new places I can't seem to shake this feeling that I'm being constantly judged... This manifests in many ways and many things I do, but one of the most persistent and annoying ways that it manifests is when I sing...

I know, I promised personal, but what is more personal than singing, really? You're standing in front of a group of people that are either going to think "wow that's great" or "that was the worst thing I've ever heard. You know what I mean, right? Even the most accepting of people who haven't a problem with anyone in the world will cringe at a wrong note or refuse to listen to a type of music or a particular artist because of how they sound or what they sing.

I've never had the formal training that lots of people in theatre have had. I'm not bad, but I'm not great at singing either. I know I shouldn't, I know it's silly of me, but I worry when I sing in front of people. I worry that I'm going to be judged. I worry that every person out there listening or watching is going to be thinking "that's the worst thing I've ever heard." Granted, when I'm in a show, in a musical, the fear disappears... Why? I think it's because I have a character to hide behind. It's not me they're judging up there, it's another person that sorta looks like me a little...

I don't know how to conquer this irrational fear that renders me incapable of seriously singing in front of even the people I'm closest to... My parents, my sister, my best friend in the entire world, I won't sing in front of them for fear of their judging me. Singing is like wearing your heart on your sleeve, and the criticism of others is like a knife being thrust into the heart which is now so easily accessible...

So there you have it... One of my biggest fears laid out in front of you... Some of the deepest thoughts to have ever run through my head for all the world to see, even if they won't...

Next post I'll update you on what's going on when it comes to career work and auditions... Till then, drive safe, have fun, don't let the bed bugs bite, and don't let the door hit you on the way out. ;)